“I do not wish to be perceived” I say as I complain about being invisible at the same time. I do not understand this dilemma that I have in my heart. Though my heart desperately wants to be seen, I still cannot help but feel a deep ache after I'm noticed in the crowd.
For as long as I can remember, I've been the invisible one. And I do not blame the world for it. The world has so much color to see that if you're translucent, you won't be seen. You need to have some sort of colour if you want to be seen. The brighter the colour, the more sights you'll catch. Who would look at a translucent objects in a world that's filled with rainbows?
When you're young, you do not experience the world as yourself. You want to be part of the crowd and be one with the crowd. Yet I've never felt fulfilled when I'm noticed. Perhaps it's because the world does not see me with the kind of نظر that I talked about in my previous post. The sight looks beyond what's on the surface.
It took me some time to realize, I do not wish to be looked at, I wish to be seen. For this reason, it gives me great peace to be a translucent object. The colours are vivid, easily seen. This translucency allows me to be seen by those who actually want to see me.
So please, if you actually see me, tell me how do you perceive me? What sort of space do I hold in your mind or like how Minahil says, “let me know myself the way you know me?”