Don’t be another girl making another mountain
out of another molehill.
- Nora Cooper
The loneliness that comes from being a victim and witness of narcissistic abuse is indescribable. There’s not a soul in the entire world that understands how miserable it is. Narcissists are so manipulative and deceptive that even those who’re being abused can forget they’re being abused. Even if you have people who are being abused from the same source, you’re alone in your knowledge and your experience of abuse. There’s nothing more disappointing than when those who’re aware of what you’re going through choose to treat the narcissist as the “normal one”. Every experience you let out is always, always seen as an exaggeration. There’s always an undertone of “it can’t be that bad”. The world refuses to agree, to see that it is that bad. Narcissists lack all the empathy. They don’t have any moral restrictions. They’re so manipulative that even the victims at times fail to process the cruelty. Perhaps there’s no one to blame, Narcissistic cruelty cannot be understood. It further drifts you apart from those closest to you because even if there’s no ill intention, it makes you feel your misery is being invalidated.
And then there’s always an expectation of forgiveness. Not from the narcissist but from the world for the abuser. The world acts as the defense attorney for the narcissist. How can a witness forget who burnt his house down. Forgiveness is easy when you’re not one in the house. It’s easy to forgive when it’s not your loved ones being burned. The world treats you as a martyr and expects you to tell a graceful story of your tragedy and how you forgave the monster of your story with graceful forgiveness. As Nora Cooper would say, “everyone just wants a resurrection story out of me, the parts of my survival I know how to make useful”
In this expectation for graceful forgiveness, you’re further alienated from your own tragedy. Each acknowledgement of pain leaves you even lonelier than ever.
So despite what the world may say on “speaking is healing” silence leaves you feeling less lonely since there’s no resistance in acceptance of your reality.